經(jīng)典圣誕節(jié)幽默笑話1、這時(shí)扮演圣誕老人的演員慌張地上了臺(tái)，卻把胡須給忘了戴。主持人一看不對(duì)呀，這圣誕老人怎么沒(méi)有胡須呢：忙問(wèn)：“你是何人呀！”這時(shí)他知道自己忘掉戴胡須了，便急中生計(jì)地說(shuō)：“我是圣誕老人的孫子。”主持人馬上說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)你把你的爺爺叫來(lái)。”他回答后馬上跑到后臺(tái)戴了胡須出來(lái)，對(duì)大家說(shuō)：“你們有沒(méi)有看到我的孫子？”

圣誕節(jié)的爆笑笑話 1

1、傳說(shuō)圣誕夜晚，天上的星星發(fā)下二個(gè)心愿；一個(gè)是愿天下所有人平安快樂(lè)，另一個(gè)則是告訴正在看此訊息的幸運(yùn)娃，圣誕節(jié)可以放假一天，不過(guò)請(qǐng)先請(qǐng)假！

2、今年圣誕節(jié)我只能形單影只地一個(gè)人度過(guò)。孤單冷清的感覺(jué)實(shí)在難受，如果圣誕老人可以把你送到我身邊就好了…我是薩達(dá)姆，圣誕快樂(lè)！

3、這個(gè)迷人的圣誕，你躲在家里生蛋蛋，生了一堆恐龍蛋，還有一只小雞蛋。豬，生蛋快樂(lè)！穿著紅棉襖的圣誕老人、青翠蔥籠的圣誕樹(shù)、金黃色的鈴鐺，早早地就映入了我們的眼簾，讓我們期待著圣誕節(jié)，給自己一個(gè)放松、瘋狂、娛樂(lè)的理由！

4、平安夜?jié)M天星，是我求圣誕老公公給你的祝福。當(dāng)每一絲星光接觸到你的眼光，都將化作輕柔的情呵護(hù)你甜夢(mèng)到天明！愿你度過(guò)一個(gè)快樂(lè)的圣誕節(jié)！

5、好久不見(jiàn)！經(jīng)常會(huì)想起你，無(wú)數(shù)個(gè)圣誕節(jié)的祝福，那友誼，厚厚積累的愉快記憶，人間的親情，天堂的溫馨，終于帶給了我們大家。祝你圣誕節(jié)快樂(lè)！

6、 失戀33天并不可怕，可怕的是失戀34天后，大姨媽還沒(méi)有來(lái)。

7、情人節(jié)圣誕節(jié)，騙騙情侶也就算了，光棍們已經(jīng)這么可憐了，商家還要想方設(shè)法騙他們錢，真太尼瑪不人道了啊！

8、 老媽是個(gè)吃貨，下定決心一定要減肥，每天節(jié)食。有一天，老爸做了一桌子的美味，我和老爸吃的津津有味，老媽在旁邊看的一忍再忍。最后，老爸很淡定的說(shuō)，不知道你折騰啥，我又不退貨。

9、 剛和老公打車回家，到家門口時(shí)才發(fā)現(xiàn)悲劇了，倆人身上錢合起來(lái)還差兩塊。仨人相對(duì)無(wú)語(yǔ)尷尬之際，老公弱弱地說(shuō)：“師傅，我們還差兩塊，你往回開(kāi)一點(diǎn)吧…”瞬間車內(nèi)安靜了、

10、當(dāng)老人家偷偷爬出窗時(shí)，我深情地掉淚了，無(wú)數(shù)次他扛著沉重的裹出去出賣力氣無(wú)數(shù)次他為了某人而花白了胡子時(shí)，多么想說(shuō)聲……您，老頭子，圣誕快樂(lè)哦圣誕快樂(lè)哦

圣誕節(jié)的笑話英文版 2

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

圣誕節(jié)的爆笑笑話 3

1、 Into the Church進(jìn)教堂

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church、 The town hall brought in some cats、 But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back、 The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town、 But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in、 Only the church came up with an effective solution、 They baptized the squirrels and made them members、 Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter、鎮(zhèn)里有三座建筑物被松鼠占領(lǐng)了--市政廳、五金店和教堂。市政廳引進(jìn)了一些貓。但這些“獵手”撕毀了文檔，于是它們也就被市長(zhǎng)請(qǐng)出了市政廳。而很快，松鼠又回來(lái)了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施與憐憫將它們?cè)阪?zhèn)外釋放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回鎮(zhèn)里來(lái)了。只有教堂采取了一種有效的解決方案。松鼠得到洗禮成為了教眾?，F(xiàn)在，人們只會(huì)在圣誕節(jié)和復(fù)活節(jié)時(shí)才能看到松鼠。

2、 Denomination 面額還是教派？

A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50 Hanukkah stamps、 "What denomination?" asks the clerk、 The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform、"一名女士走進(jìn)郵局，問(wèn)職員要50張光明節(jié)紀(jì)念郵票（小編注：光明節(jié)：猶太人慶祝光明到來(lái)的節(jié)日）。職員問(wèn)?！岸嗌倜骖~的？”女士說(shuō)：“6張東正教，12張保守黨，32張革新派?！?/p>

3、 Good Lights 好燈

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights、 I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in、 I did, and each one lit up、 "Great," she said、 I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box、 But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed、 "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly、 "It’s been opened、"一位顧客進(jìn)我們的商店買圣誕燈。我給她看了我們店里最好的牌子，但還需確認(rèn)一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子里拿出來(lái)，然后通上電。我照做了。每一個(gè)燈泡都是正常的。她說(shuō):“非常好?！蔽倚⌒囊硪淼匕堰@串圣誕燈放回盒子里?？僧?dāng)我把這一盒燈泡交給她時(shí)，她吃驚地看著我，突然說(shuō)：“我不要這一盒，它打開(kāi)過(guò)的?！?/p>

4、 Stop the Presses讓媒體閉嘴

These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated、 And yet they have the ring of truth、 Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings, Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think, Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year, Book Given as Gift Actually Read這些節(jié)日頭條--由全美最優(yōu)質(zhì)新聞媒體The Onion的諷刺作家杜撰--完全是胡編亂造，不過(guò)聽(tīng)起來(lái)還真像是事實(shí)。諸如《放進(jìn)圣誕襪的煤太貴了買不起》，《研究發(fā)現(xiàn)了紅酒間的聯(lián)系》，《讓媽媽知道你真正在想什么》，《會(huì)計(jì)人員蜂擁時(shí)代廣場(chǎng)慶祝新財(cái)年》，《書當(dāng)圣誕禮物真有人讀》。

5、 Hiding the Presents藏禮物

I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents、 Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place、 I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room、 I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered、 When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids、"早些天我就做好圣誕購(gòu)物并包裝好所有的禮物了。因?yàn)橛袃蓚€(gè)好奇的孩子，我需要找一個(gè)適合藏禮物的隱蔽處。我想到了一個(gè)理想的`地方--爐子間。我疊好禮物，用一塊毯子把它們蓋起來(lái)，覺(jué)得它們肯定不會(huì)被發(fā)現(xiàn)。當(dāng)我去拿禮物想把它們放在圣誕樹(shù)下時(shí)，我掀開(kāi)毯子，看到，在我準(zhǔn)備好的禮物上面整齊地疊放著另一些禮物，上面寫著“給爸爸媽媽，你們的寶貝”。

6、 Gift Exchange交換禮物

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework、 One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____、” His response: “Receipts、”我朋友在檢查她兒子的填空題家庭作業(yè)。有一行：“在圣誕節(jié)，我們和____交換禮物。”他的答案：“收據(jù)。”

7、 Limited Knowledge知識(shí)有限

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one、 "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate、 "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old、 "Don’t worry、 Santa will never know、" He shot me a look、 "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"平安夜那天，在我們分發(fā)餅干時(shí)，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上?！皼](méi)關(guān)系?！蔽乙贿呎f(shuō)，一邊撿起來(lái)，并在放回盤子前撣掉了上面的灰?！澳悴荒苣敲醋?。”我四歲大的孩子爭(zhēng)論道。“別擔(dān)心，圣誕老人不會(huì)知道的?！彼翌┝艘谎邸！斑@就是說(shuō)他知道我有沒(méi)有做壞事，而他不知道餅干掉在地上過(guò)？”

8、 Odd Christmas Visit奇怪的圣誕拜訪

From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan、"英格蘭德文郡Woolacombe海灣酒店有一篇文章：“他們的三日圣誕假期套餐包括家庭娛樂(lè)、育嬰托管、美味佳肴，還有撒旦來(lái)訪”。

9、 Quick Cleanup快速清掃

Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up、 She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom、 Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly、 Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains、 It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub、"不速之客就在路上，我媽媽，一個(gè)完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務(wù)是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會(huì)兒之后，當(dāng)她去檢查的時(shí)候，她吃驚了，曾經(jīng)一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫著：“謝謝你沒(méi)往浴缸里看。”

10、 Post Holiday Blues假日里的郁悶事

A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room、 Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party、 As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes、"

我們飯館里一位女服務(wù)員的一套換洗的衣服在休息室里失竊了。更糟的是，她原本計(jì)劃穿著那套去參加圣誕聚會(huì)。作為一個(gè)新員工，我并不知道這個(gè)幕后故事，因此當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)這張充滿怒氣的紙條貼在社區(qū)公告欄里時(shí)，有點(diǎn)吃驚。紙條上寫著：“圣誕聚會(huì)已經(jīng)過(guò)去兩個(gè)星期了，但我始終還沒(méi)找回我的衣服?！?/p>

11、 Easy to Forgive輕易寬恕

Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church、 It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking、 Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is、"因?yàn)檠杏憰?huì)遲到，現(xiàn)在找不到停車的地方，于是我把車停在了教堂后面。直到我從車?yán)锍鰜?lái)我才看到這個(gè)標(biāo)志牌：“不準(zhǔn)停車！寬恕是我們的職責(zé)，但是不要給原已糟糕的現(xiàn)狀添堵了?！?/p>

12、 Waiting for Christmas等待圣誕節(jié)

My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time、 Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?" 我妻子第一次帶我們?nèi)龤q大的孩子去教堂。在彌撒曲開(kāi)始前我們等了很久，孩子等的不耐煩了，轉(zhuǎn)向媽媽問(wèn)：“耶穌什么時(shí)候來(lái)這里？”

13、 Christmas Eve Service平安夜禱告

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed、 The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary、 Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"就在我開(kāi)始平安夜禱告時(shí)，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說(shuō)：“剛才我講到哪兒了？”傳來(lái)一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了！”

圣誕節(jié)中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話故事 4

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開(kāi)著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子。這位城里人看見(jiàn)一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹(shù)上的'蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎？"那位農(nóng)夫回答說(shuō)，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義？"

圣誕節(jié)的爆笑笑話 5

The thief and the judgeIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner、 "What are you charged with?" he asked、"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant、"Thats no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner、

法官與小偷那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時(shí)也有點(diǎn)惻隱之心。“你為什么而被起訴？”他問(wèn)。“采購(gòu)圣誕節(jié)物品過(guò)早?！北桓娲稹！斑@不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購(gòu)物多早？”在商店開(kāi)門之前，“犯人應(yīng)道。

Jesuss TellyA child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib、 Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval、 The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired、"But whats that in the corner?" asked Mother、"Oh, thats their telly," replied the tot、

耶穌的電視機(jī)圣誕節(jié)時(shí)孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最后這件藝術(shù)品被陳列出來(lái)供父母鑒賞。他們對(duì)耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞?！翱墒悄莻€(gè)角落里是什么？”媽媽問(wèn)?！班?，那是他們的電視機(jī)，”孩子回答說(shuō)。

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么？答案：鋤地。（英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。）

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel、 Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor、 Which one of them do you think picked it up?Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

圣誕節(jié)前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級(jí)飯店一同等電梯，門還未開(kāi)前，三人同時(shí)看到地上有一張新臺(tái)幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰(shuí)會(huì)將它撿起？答案：當(dāng)然是圣誕老人啦！為什么？因?yàn)榇蠹叶贾懒硗鈨烧卟⒉淮嬖凇?/p>

圣誕節(jié)的笑話英文版 6

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

圣誕節(jié)的笑話英文版 7

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

圣誕節(jié)中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話故事 8

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門，然后用你的'胳膊肘按門鈴。門開(kāi)了之后，再用你的腳把門推開(kāi)?！?/p>

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"

“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。

圣誕節(jié)中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話故事 9

A Useful Lesson

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．

Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when youve had enough？ Well， Ill tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，youve had enough and should go home．”

“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

有益的教訓(xùn)

在英國(guó)，十八歲以下的。人不準(zhǔn)進(jìn)酒吧喝酒。

湯普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一個(gè)酒吧喝酒，但他從陶寶網(wǎng)來(lái)不帶他的兒子湯姆? 后來(lái)，當(dāng)湯姆年滿十八歲的時(shí)候，湯普森先生第一次帶他去他常去的那家酒吧。他們喝了半個(gè)小時(shí)，而后，湯普森先生對(duì)他兒子說(shuō)：“湯姆，現(xiàn)在我要告訴你一個(gè)有益的教訓(xùn)。你必須時(shí)時(shí)小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝夠了呢？好，我來(lái)告訴你。你看見(jiàn)酒吧那頭有兩盞燈嗎？當(dāng)那兩盞燈看起來(lái)變成四盞的時(shí)候，你就喝夠了，應(yīng)該回家了。

“可是，爸爸。”湯姆說(shuō)：“在酒吧那頭我只能看見(jiàn)一盞燈?！?/p>

圣誕節(jié)中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話故事 10

A man walked into a doctors examining room.

"Put out your tongue," the doctor said.

The man put out his tongue and the doctor said.

"O.K. You can put your tongue back now. " the doctor said. "Its clear whats wrong with you. You need more exercise."

"But, doctor," the man said. "I dont think--"

"Dont tell I me what you think, " the doctor said "I am the doctor, not you. I know what you need. I see hundreds of people like you. None of them get any exercise. They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening. What you need is to walk quickly for at least 20 minutes a day."

"Doctor, you dont understand," the patient said "I -- "

"I dont want to hear any excuses," the doctor said. "You must find time for exercise. If you dont, you will get fat and have health problems when you are older."

"But I walk every day," the patient said.

"Oh, yes, and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet to the train station from your house, a few more feet from the station to your office, and a few more feet from your office to a restaurant for lunch and back. Thats not real walking. Im talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day. "

"Please listen to me, doctor！" the patient shouted, getting angry with this doctor who thought he knew everything.

"Im a mailman," the patient went on, "and I walk for seven hours every day."

For a moment the doctor was silent, then he said quietly, "Put your tongue out again, will you?"

一人走進(jìn)一家診所。

“伸出舌頭，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)。

那人伸出舌頭，醫(yī)生很快地看了一下。

“好了，把舌頭縮回去吧?！贬t(yī)生說(shuō)，“你的病因很明顯。你需要更多的運(yùn)動(dòng)?！?/p>

“但是，醫(yī)生，”那人說(shuō)，“我不認(rèn)為——”

“不要告訴我? 我知道你需要什么。我看過(guò)數(shù)以百計(jì)的`你這樣的病人。他們沒(méi)有一個(gè)人鍛煉過(guò)。他們整天坐在辦公室里，晚上就坐在電視機(jī)前。你所需要的是每天至少快跑20分鐘?！?/p>

“醫(yī)生，你不知道，”病人說(shuō)，“我——”

“我不想聽(tīng)任何理由。”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“你應(yīng)該抽出時(shí)間來(lái)運(yùn)動(dòng)。如果你不鍛煉，那么當(dāng)你老的時(shí)候，你就會(huì)變得很胖，并且有健康問(wèn)題。”

“但我每天都走路的，”病人說(shuō)。

“喔，是的。我知道那是一種怎樣的散步。你走幾英尺的路，從家到火車站，又走幾英尺從車站到辦公室，然后走幾英尺從辦公室到餐館去吃中飯?jiān)倩貋?lái)。那不是真正的散步。我所說(shuō)的是每天在公園里散步20分鐘。”

“請(qǐng)聽(tīng)我說(shuō)，醫(yī)生！”病人叫起來(lái)，對(duì)那位自以為什么都知道的醫(yī)生很生氣。

“我是一名郵遞員，”病人接著說(shuō)，“我每天得走7小時(shí)的路。”

醫(yī)生悶在那里半天無(wú)語(yǔ)。然后他輕聲地說(shuō)：“再把你的舌頭伸出來(lái)，行嗎？”

圣誕節(jié)中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話故事 11

A wealthy matron（主婦，保姆） is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric（古怪的） woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. ″Dad,″ says the son, ″theres something Ive got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?″

″Son,″ the father replies, ″I painted the vase.″

一位富婆為擁有一只珍貴的古玩花瓶而深感驕傲，以至于竟要把臥室漆成與花瓶同樣的顏色。幾名油漆匠試圖調(diào)出這個(gè)底色，但是誰(shuí)也不能令那位古怪的婦女滿意。

最后來(lái)了位油漆匠。他非常自信能調(diào)出那種顏色。那位富婆對(duì)他的'成果非常滿意，油漆匠于是一舉成名。

多年以后，他退休了，生意也交給了兒子。“爸爸，”兒子說(shuō)：“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎樣使墻的顏色與花瓶配得那么完美的？”

“兒子，”父親回答說(shuō)：“我漆了花瓶?！?/p>

圣誕節(jié)的笑話英文版 12

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．

Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．”

“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

拓展閱讀：圣誕節(jié)搞笑語(yǔ)錄

1、平安夜要送我蘋果，至少也是七代的。記住是七代，不是四袋。

2、頭像忽然打顫，小豬肯定要看，豬蹄輕輕一按，一看成了笨誕，氣的渾身冒汗，豬蹄到出亂按，小豬你真是笨誕，想要笑容燦爛，發(fā)給其他笨誕，呵呵…圣誕節(jié)了，祝你圣誕節(jié)快樂(lè)！

3、平安夜，賣蘋果的總干不過(guò)賣保健的。

4、圣誕就是扯淡！好多是年青人都忘記中秋是什么時(shí)候了但是卻記住了圣誕！真是蹣跚學(xué)步。

5、將笑容掛起，讓快樂(lè)點(diǎn)綴節(jié)日的氣氛；將好心情亮起，讓幸福增添節(jié)日的喜悅，將短信發(fā)起，讓文字送出節(jié)日的問(wèn)候，圣誕節(jié)，愿你吉祥如意，幸福美滿！

6、雖然圣誕要到了，但是兄弟我沒(méi)什么錢，只能向圣誕老人借五百送你，給你百事可樂(lè)、百事順心、百事大吉、百無(wú)一失、百戰(zhàn)百勝，祝你圣誕快樂(lè)！

7、圣誕我不怕一個(gè)人過(guò)，我只怕我喜歡的人和別人。

8、每年的圣誕節(jié)都只有自己一個(gè)人傻傻的過(guò)著。

9、從未算過(guò)哪天過(guò)什么節(jié)，因?yàn)檫^(guò)節(jié)也是那么平淡。

10、歡快清脆的鈴鐺帶著我的思念飛進(jìn)了你的心里，飄搖歡笑的雪花帶著我的微笑走進(jìn)了你的'夢(mèng)里，繽紛絢爛的賀卡帶著我的祝福融進(jìn)了你的天空，愿你圣誕節(jié)作最幸福的主角，最可愛(ài)的甜心，圣誕快樂(lè)。

11、心在飛揚(yáng)，情在高昂。平安夜讓我們一起，去聆聽(tīng)圣誕的鐘聲好嗎？

12、比平安夜收不到蘋果更心酸的事，大概就是送不出蘋果了吧。

13、我的每一下心跳想你一次，直到我生命休止，心不再跳動(dòng)！我愛(ài)你！圣誕快樂(lè)！

14、根據(jù)俺出色的工作經(jīng)歷和在世界各地用戶中崇高的信譽(yù)，準(zhǔn)備向權(quán)威機(jī)構(gòu)申請(qǐng)“圣誕老人”為世界名牌。

15、平安夜外面都在漲價(jià)，只有商場(chǎng)在打折。

16、女：我是你的什么？男：你是我的Christmas啊。女：?。吭瓉?lái)我是圣誕節(jié)??？!男：這樣我就可以merry you了。

17、風(fēng)輕輕的吹，雪靜靜的飄，冷冷的圣誕節(jié)，只有你能夠暖和我的心，所以請(qǐng)不要離開(kāi)我。

18、考慮俺年事已高，行動(dòng)不便，圣誕節(jié)送禮工作量大，懇請(qǐng)世界各國(guó)同意俺將送禮之事移交年輕人承擔(dān)。

19、想，時(shí)光從指間悄悄流走，看，雪花在天空慢慢飄落，念，往事溫情翩翩如歌，思，每一朵焰火都是歡樂(lè)，祝，圣誕佳節(jié)喜事多多轉(zhuǎn)如陀螺，笑臉永駐不褪色！

20、平安夜要送我蘋果，至少也要四代的。

21、這個(gè)圣誕節(jié)沒(méi)有帶給我歡樂(lè)，只有莫名的憂傷。

22、圣誕節(jié)快樂(lè)，希望大家都能找到值得你marry的。

23、掐指一算，不出意料的話，平安夜沒(méi)人送蘋果，圣誕沒(méi)人陪。

24、充分發(fā)揮互聯(lián)網(wǎng)優(yōu)勢(shì)，大力推廣電子圣誕禮品，以減少資源浪費(fèi)。

25、這個(gè)圣誕節(jié)沒(méi)有帶給我歡樂(lè)，只有莫名的憂傷丶。

26、如果在平安夜和圣誕節(jié)沒(méi)收到我的禮物，請(qǐng)不要懷疑我們的感情，我只是窮而已。

27、情人節(jié)讓我一個(gè)人過(guò)，圣誕節(jié)還讓我一個(gè)人過(guò)，元旦也讓我一個(gè)人過(guò)，有本事考試你也讓我一個(gè)人過(guò)啊。

28、沒(méi)有人接收到蘋果橙子的含個(gè)香橙蘋果棒棒糖也平平安安心想事成。

29、平安夜，舞翩阡。雪花飄，飛滿天。心與心，永相伴。

30、銀色雪人紅綠妝，圣誕老人送吉祥。納才接福真熱鬧，歡慶炮竹喜氣揚(yáng)。雪花紛飛舞步漫，送來(lái)幸福和安康。皆大歡喜豪情爽，祁盼五谷豐來(lái)年。祝你圣誕節(jié)日爽，工作如意身體健。生意興隆發(fā)大財(cái)，財(cái)源滾來(lái)富無(wú)邊。

31、靈動(dòng)的雪花，撲面而來(lái)；悠揚(yáng)的鐘聲，此起彼伏；快樂(lè)的歌謠，傳唱不絕；開(kāi)心的舞蹈，步步精彩；溫馨的燈火，幸福甜蜜；深深的祈禱，好運(yùn)無(wú)限：朋友，圣誕快樂(lè)！

32、跟著平安夜的到來(lái)，向你說(shuō)一聲：永遠(yuǎn)平安。讓這祥和的旋律，伴你渡過(guò)一生。

33、圣誕節(jié)，把襪子翻過(guò)來(lái)，里朝外，掛在床邊，整個(gè)世界便都是你的禮物。

34、好吃的蘋果是不需要華麗的包裝。

35、圣誕老人會(huì)眷戀每個(gè)缺少愛(ài)的孩子。

36、雞“誕”祝你家庭吉祥，鴨“誕”愿你生活美滿，鵝“誕”想你事業(yè)輝煌，鳥“誕”盼你財(cái)富通天，圣誕望你快樂(lè)無(wú)邊！這條短信與人分享，心情愉快身體健康，若將此信送友珍藏，日子紅火近在眼前。這份圣誕好禮快快送，送得多，回報(bào)多多，驚喜多多！

37、平安夜送不起蘋果六代給我的童鞋，你送六袋蘋果也可以?。?/p>

38、圣誕白叟留言：因昨晚沒(méi)有襪子裝禮物，只好折成現(xiàn)金存入你的帳戶，請(qǐng)務(wù)必在一小時(shí)內(nèi)查詢八次，即可到帳！祝圣誕節(jié)快樂(lè)！

39、歲月匆匆，擋不住光陰的腳步；路途遙遙，隔不斷守望的心靈，又是一個(gè)圣誕佳節(jié)，雖然天寒地凍，冷凍住對(duì)你的思念祝福。圣誕快樂(lè)！

40、圣誕節(jié)就要到了，又有一群傻蛋要告白咯！(看好戲去！)

41、可愛(ài)的圣誕老公公，我不要糖我不要巧克力，我不要新衣服，你在圣誕夜把我的愛(ài)人放在我的大襪子里吧，注意頭在外邊，謝謝。

42、落單的人最怕過(guò)節(jié)什么的，世界上，最不喜歡圣誕的，除了火雞，一定還有我。

43、圣誕老人是爸爸，順著煙囪往下爬，禮物塞滿圣誕襪，平安糖果一大把，只為讓我笑哈哈，爸爸愛(ài)我我愛(ài)他，在此說(shuō)說(shuō)心里話，愿爸爸圣誕節(jié)快樂(lè)，身體健康，永遠(yuǎn)幸福。

44、希望，圣誕老公公能在圣誕夜，把各科期末考試答案塞到我床頭的襪子里。